This is an idea from Bryon ( I love Showtunes) Quertermous and Dave White. A set of intsrtuctions arrived via courier and we were each asked to write a short story with the the same three things. I'm not sure I'm of equal standing with my writing, but what the hell, I get to kill some people so I decided to go for it.
These are the other blogsites and bloggers participating in the blog event for Jan 25th.
My story follows this list:
Dave White
Bryon Quertermous
Sarah Weinman
Gerald So
Graham Powell
Aldo Calcagno
Duane Swierczynski
Jennifer Jordan
Dave Zeltserman
John Rickards
Ray Banks
Pat Lambe
Bob Tinsley
The Story:
No Cure For Cancer
Two options became clear pretty quickly. He could try to out run a car designed to chase other cars, or pull over and hope for the best.
Al pulled over.
The patrolman walked up to the car with kind of swagger you can only get by wearing a belt loaded down with too much equipment. As the cop reached the rear of the car, Al rolled down his window and leaned out. The patrolman leaned down.
“Good evening sir. Can I see you drivers license, please?”
“My hovercraft is full of eels”, Al said with a grin.
“Excuse me?” the patrolman asked with a grimace.
“Sorry, I’m just fucking with you. Hang on a second and let me get my wallet out.”
“Could you step out of the car, sir?”
“Fuck it,” Al muttered to himself and reached between the seat and the door.
As he opened the door he rolled out on to his back and aimed straight up.
The taser hit the patrolman in the belly and for a minute the man just stood and there and shook. When Al dropped the taser, the patrolman dropped right after it.
Al stood up and kicked the cop.
“No sense of humor,” he said to no one.
He reached down and grabbed the cop’s gun and his taser and walked to the back of the car. As he popped the trunk, the car’s owner started to come around. Al walked back, grabbed the nightstick from the prone patrolman, and stopped to give him a blow to the head. When he went back to the trunk he repeated the night stick move on Mr. Murray. With the other members of his party unconscious, Al got down to business.
He dragged the cop back to the trunk and threw him in on top of Mr. Murray. He slammed the trunk shut, walked back to the patrol car and sat in the drivers seat.
Having been for a ride in a few of these, Al knew where to turn off the lights. He put the squad in gear and pulled around in front of Mr. Murray’s car. He hoped out, leaving the squad running and moved over to the sedan he had been driving, and shut the lights off and closed the door.
Getting back into the squad car, he drove the half mile to where the property he owned was showing the signs of new construction .He parked the squad around the back, hidden from the street. He jogged back to the sedan and drove that to his property as well.
With the basement exposed, he reached in and turned on the lights. The basement lit up but left everything else dark. He walked back to the car and dragged out the cop and then Mr. Murray, dropping them on the ground long enough to close the trunk. He then pulled them one at a time over to the opening and slid them down the ramp into the basement. He took the steps down after them.
By the time they came to Al had them tied up and blindfolded. The cop spoke first.
“What are you doing? I’m a cop!”
“Blah, blah, blah. Shut the fuck up.”
Al leaned over and kicked while he spoke.
Leans down to speak right into the cops ear.
“Well, I happen to know it will be a while before they do. I know all about you, pal. This is the time of night when you usually take off for a snooze and everyone leaves you alone.”
“What do you mean you know about me?”
“You don’t think this is random do you? You two are just names on a list of people who need to pay.
Al lights up a Marlboro red and takes a long drag.
<>“Buddy, I’m going to kill every one that ever did me wrong”
“You’ll never get away with it.”
“I don’t need to. I’ll be dead in three months. I decided I’m not going alone.”
Al pulled the blindfolds off and the two men looked around. Their faces took on slack expressions as they noticed the other bodies.
The light went off and they heard the car drive away.
They sat in the dark, wondering how long it would be until he came back.
finding out about the basement in time to do anything for numbers 17 and 18 on the list.
8 comments:
I now want to use the phrase "my hovercraft is full of eels" in public myself. :-D
I like the quick reveal that Al is going to die. It earns him instant sympathy, but at the same time, you can't ignore that his moral compass is shot. Good ending, too.
My hovercraft is full of eels? Excuse me, but W? T? F?
Not a Python fan in the bunch.
It's from the "Hungarian phrasebook" sketch. Part of episode 25 (second season, airdate 12/15/70), the sketch features a maliciously misproduced English-Hungarian phrasebook. The phrase "my hovercraft is full of eels" is given as the English translation for the Hungarian phrase meaning "I want to buy some matches"....more hilariously, the Hungarian phrase meaning "Can you direct me to the station?" is translated by the English phrase "Please fondle my bum."
Cleese is finally pulled away from the scene when he, the badly translated tourist, is arrested. As the cops take him away, he was heard to scream,
"My nipples explode with delight!"
Ah, yes, I'd forgotten about that one. And I am a Python fan - if you look closely in my story, the narrator says, "Don't taunt me a second time!" No word about farting in his general direction.
The number of bloggers using Monty Pyton Quotes in their work sahll be one.
No Two, the nuber shall be two.
Because nobody expects the spanish inquisition
(Except John Rickards)
Clever Jon. Quite clever. Nice work.
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